I’ve been feeling pretty positive lately and I think the best way to stay that way is to vent a little bit. These are just a few paragraphs that won’t mean anything tomorrow, and don’t define my day today by any means. But I think it’s better to get them out than keep them circling, and letting them wear me thin.. again.

A lot of people say they like to be alone. Sometimes it might be true, but a lot of the time, I can’t say I buy it. I know I’ve said it myself, but maybe we are comparing loneliness to the wrong people. Maybe what we’re saying is that we’d rather be alone than be with so and so, and we don’t know why. But what we really want is to be with someone who means something.. because in the end all you get with being alone is yourself. And there’s only so much of your selfish self you can take.

In just these first few days of summer, I’m realizing all the.. hate, bitterness I guess I had against Florida really has nothing to do with Florida itself. It’s what it symbolizes. I hate how I can’t be tan, I hate how I’m not skinny enough to look as good in a bikini as everyone else, and I hate that my hair doesn’t stay straight. (I’ve been wearing it curly lately and it’s kind of working out.. just a p.s.) But another thing I’ve learned is that somewhere else, all of those quirks of mine.. are just fine. That somewhere else there is someone who is as excited to see me as I am to see them. This time the grass is actually greener on the other side, and I really can’t wait to get there.

Having said that, I hate waiting to get there. And I hate how the highlight of my existence lives somewhere between and within, around and throughout, the streets of Tuscaloosa to Birmingham, Alabama. It only makes holding onto this pillow seem a little more.. I don’t know. At the same time, those streets, those people, that person are what keep me happy. Knowing they are there. And that has made all the difference.

I don’t know how this will come off, as spoiled, whiny, bitter, or pathetic. Maybe all of those, but hopefully none. Everyone has something stupid that eats at them, but this helps I think. My days are filled with the barn, and at this point there is no where else I’d rather be. I have two more years here and I’m going to make the most of them. Happy is a choice, not something to wait around for. I made my decision a while ago.. and, I’m happy.

And to you.. I normally have a million things to say to you but tonight there’s just this John Mayer song. Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours.. even though it’s a pretty far flight and an even longer drive..

See ya soon. :)